smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
