if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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