Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
