I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
