pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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