Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
