They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Randomize
