lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm always down for nudity.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
