I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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