just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
