Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
