whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
