Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
