Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
