If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
