Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
