My liver just broke up with me...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Randomize
