Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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