the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
