Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
