i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
