One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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