then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
