I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
