Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
