My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
