she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
