Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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