I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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