Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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