the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
