I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
