God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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