my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
