i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
