I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
