Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
