wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
