You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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