I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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