I puked a lego.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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