i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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