He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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