What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
