So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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