He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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