dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
