fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
