Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
