I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
