I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
