i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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