OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
