let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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