I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
